Today I Saw a Tapeworm with a Heartbeat

by kurtiswiebe

January 3, 2014

Today I saw a tapeworm with a heartbeat.

I hope you don’t mind me calling you that right now. You’re pretty weird looking and you’re sort of a parasite in your mom’s body. She’s sick all the time. I mean, all day long. She sleeps in late because you’re sapping all her energy. She has super powered smelling and can detect the scent of garlic and onions in roughly a ten mile radius. And apparently I smell like garlic and onions every waking hour, even if I haven’t ate any in a full week, and kissing me makes her want to vomit.

It’s magical.

You aren’t doing my love life any favours, that much is certain.

Anyway, today we went to the ultrasound clinic and I got to see inside your mom’s body. You’re in there. Just… floating around like a kidney bean on espresso.

It’s more real now. It’s not like we didn’t think it was before, but to see you growing and that little pulse that is your heart… yeah, this is it, isn’t it? Your mom is definitely weirded out that she has a tapeworm made of our DNA floating inside her, but she’s also very happy. You’ll come to know that look of excitement on her face. It’s very particular, and it’s absolutely lovely.

So, this is a quick one, just to say thanks for hanging in there little baby bean and, take it easy on mom would you?

She wants to eat hummus again.