In what appears to be a story that will never go away, I am once again seeing some pretty dark and insidious claims about my nature and character online.
Every year, it begins again. Entering now into a 10th year of the cycle, which, for all the claims of not wanting anything to do with me or Rat Queens, it’s puzzling how this continues to come up almost ritualistically.
One full decade.
In response to this new round, people have wished me to die a horrible, painful death by venereal disease.
Artists and writers I have genuinely loved, even inspired me as a writer myself, have shared this new round on social media effortlessly.
I have said only one thing publicly about all of this madness in the ten years since she resigned from Rat Queens, in an unfortunate slip of emotion, which I am happy to share, as it was a mistake, unprofessional and done out of anger and frustration.
For the record, I recognized that this was petty and vindictive, and since then Volume 3 was reprinted, several times, and, as with everything else Tess worked on, she was compensated at 45% of all sale revenue.
I keep coming back to the question, year after year:
What is this all about?
Demands for apologies, consistent attacks on my character, nebulous statements that insinuate some pretty vulgar ideas.
This is what is true:
- I hired Tess Fowler to continue the work of Rat Queens because I genuinely liked her art. The series was gaining popularity and though I was struggling to find its voice again, I thought she would be a good fit. We had done a Rat Queens webcomic together, and also worked on a Braga special, and it felt pretty good.
- Shortly into hiring Tess, I knew that we lacked a lot of creative chemistry, and found that the longer things went on, the more baffling drama came to the forefront, and less the actual work. Strictly from a professional point of view, it was not working out, which was complicated because we were, I thought at the time, friends.
- It is true, I was talking to other artists at the time, seeing if I could find a replacement, which was my right as the creator and owner of Rat Queens. This was a business decision. In an email, outlined below, I owned this unprofessionalism. I should have been transparent about this decision, and parted ways before seeking a new art team. That is my fault, and I accept responsibility for it, and apologized for what hurt I caused.
- Tess resigned when she learned of this, shortly before she was fired from her position, which is more than fair. I honoured our agreement, 45% payout of all income derived from her work in perpituity.
- Tess Fowler has earned well over six figures for her seven issues of work on Rat Queens and receives and will continue to receive income from her contribution to the comic series.
- She was not removed to make way for anyone else. She was removed solely for professional reasons and, to continue the series, I would need a new artist. One of the key facts in her story is that I was bringing back Roc Upchurch. Of course the publisher and I had discussed him as a potential artist amongst many to take over, he is a co-creator and co-owner of the series.
- With all the social media chaos and drama, never having made any decision, I put the series on hiatus, where this whole ordeal both ended and started: A legacy of ten years of silence on my end.
This week, a new claim about me has been made, and as many of you know, my very public cancellation ruined my life in many ways. I struggled with addiction, which I have talked about quite openly both here on my blog, but also my podcast Sons of Men.
The blog post below was two months after everything blew up.
Last year, around this time, our family learned that we would lose our home in Sweden due to immigration issues, and we landed back in the city where all of this hardship began.
Today, Shannon and I are, for the first time in many years, struggling to ride a wave of fear, once again, about our future.
I have battled many demons in the ten years, from addiction to depression to suicide, and by God’s grace, I was able to finally overcome them all. Yet, this particular shadow was never healed. It still haunts us, and shows no sign of ever going away.
In October, 2023, Tess Fowler emailed me with valid frustration that her work was being included in the final Omnibus, which collected every single piece of Rat Queens content ever made. It is true, I never emailed her to ask permission. Looking back, I should’ve extended a courtesy, but, ultimately, the Omnibus would’ve been incomplete without her work.
Her email was angry, and I understood. I replied, best I could, and prayed for compassion to truly connect my heart to hers.
Between May 16th, 2016, with my final message affirming that Tess would continue to be paid a 45% share of revenue on her work, and then to this email above, in 2023, these are the only words or connection of any kind I have had with her.
This week, she shared a story that paints this attempt at reconciliation with darkness, cruelty and malicious intent.
I had heard they lost their home, and, thinking of my own family, my own situation, how scary that must have been.
As can be seen in the email above, I offered my apologies for posting what I did on reddit. And, to be clear, I never did follow through on that.
This is by far the most egregious and baffling statement. I have emailed her twice in ten years, one of which is above.
Torture is an incredibly potent, inflammatory and emotional word, inciting powerful assumptions of abuse, terror, and evil intent.
Pairing it with my vulnerability and battle with alcoholism and partnered with statements like “the things he did to me” and “no remorse” certainly paints a particular picture. I wonder what Tess is hoping to achieve here?
Some might call this slander.
My question, earnestly, is:
In truth, how exactly have I tortured you? Further, I openly invite any and all evidence of even the slightest unkindness toward you.
It is true, I was an alcoholic, but in that phase of my life, I had no connection to Tess at all. I am deeply ashamed of my alcoholism, but have come to terms with what it cost. Every day I strive to be a better man, and though sober, I fall short often.
What is it that I did to you? What am I meant to have remorse over?
We worked together, and we parted ways because the collaboration wasn’t panning out, creatively and professionally. I talked with my publisher about working again with the co-creator. I am sorry, for that and the other artists I spoke with, and not being transparent as Tess deserved.
I encourage anyone and all to read my blog from that time, or even my Sons of Men podcast, the first few episodes pairing the tragic story of Ed Piskor with my own story, one I had avoided to confront for too long.
In it, I own my brokeness on a journey toward courage, honour and transparency.
It is true, Roc and I had a deep friendship that suffered terribly in this period. We were not only creative collaborators, but friends bonded in love. We remain friends, still, to this day, after a decade of working through darkness together. Our coming together to complete Rat Queens was a catharsis I think neither of us could have truly appreciated in how deeply it was needed.
I see unmitigated terror, misery and hate in the modern world, and with me as some small example, we are all deserving of grace and love. I remain a dad and father because of both of those virtues gifted undeservingly upon me by my incredible wife. I would rather lead by example, in forgiveness and allowing for people, myself included amongst the many, to be redeemed.
Again, tell me, please, what apology are you waiting for?
I have offered many over the years, and by my account, they only infuriate and exacerbate this hatred she’s carried further because I wanted to break bread privately and refused to live my life publicly.
Do you blame me?
This is absolutely true. In 2018, there was a documentary made about Rat Queens, my life, and all the chaos surrounding it. Tess emailed numerous outlets and was responsible for getting this film, a work of art 5 years in the making, canceled. A burgeoning filmmaker, ironically, tackling the topic of creative collaboration, personal strife and the cost of making art, had his film destroyed. She was offered an opportunity to speak on the record, in the documentary, by the director, and refused.
I, to this day, am not certain why Tess did this, as she was not in the film at all.
Please, do buy Tess’s books. She is doing incredible work from the few pieces I have seen, and I hope she continues to make art for decades to come.
I find it telling that she believes me to be in the muck and mire, or that I come from it. In many ways, I actually owe Tess a debt of gratitude, in that all of this chaos eventually led me to Sweden, where I was able to anonymously heal, marry my wife, and find a home that will live forever in my heart, no matter where I go.
I, too, want to bury the hatchet. I want to end this ten year battle that I have quietly hid from, out of fear and terror. The last thing I want, year upon year, is to relive this terrible time in my life, and for people to spit on a version of me they see in their heads. One shaped by a single person’s version of a story where my voice is kept wholly from it.
I hope you find the peace you want between us, I don’t know what else to offer you after all this time.
I agree, as I said in my final email, I want all of us to be free of this. To be healed, to move on and everyone to find new purpose, new hope and new opportunities.
Honestly, I have not felt the respect and kindness Tess speaks of since before we parted ways. Certainly, her continued actions across nearly ten years speak loudly against these words.
It has been a decade of harrowing fear, of seeing my name maligned, of my wife and daughter paying a heavy cost of a father in absolute ruin, and now, only in the past few years, being strong enough to be the man they deserve.
All because I wanted to replace Tess Fowler on Rat Queens.
What would you have me do? What do you want from me?
In all this, I am still happy that Tess was able to make a living off Rat Queens. As mentioned earlier, for her seven issues of work, she has earned six figures, a feat rare few people in comics could ever dream of.
She remains, to this day, compensated at 45% of all revenue for her work on Rat Queens Volume 3, Issue 16 and the Braga One Shot. That will never end as long as Rat Queens continues to sell.
My life, in many ways, has come full circle. Here I am, in Vancouver, ten years later, reliving the past. I suppose, like all shadows unconquered, I am not surprised to see this one return in the exact month, nearly a decade on, as a sharp reminder of buried pain.
I ask any, and all of you: Look to my actions, the works of my heart. Listen to my journey the past 9 years, which I have shared openly. Ask the people around me, let them tell you about my darkness, my brokeness, and then let them tell you about the man they see today.
And remember, with compassion: each and every one of us is broken. We are living with struggle every day, trying to get things right. I know I made some mistakes, failed even, in the past, in how I handled the lightning rod that was Rat Queens, but I also did a lot of good, and a lot right.
It is easy to forget the person behind the painting of a monster.
In the finale of Rat Queens, I wrote a love letter to the characters. But, it was a letter to my wife. My daughter. To Roc and what we created together. And to myself, to forgive the great unnamed shadow that lived in me: shame.
It came to life through Hannah, but was born in my heart.
By the grace of God, I am saved.
Thank you for listening.
Home 